My gay.com Bio. I was apparently in a mood!

Sometimes I wonder: "What the hell is going on in my world?" I always do what has to be done. Most of the time I am so bogged down with what I have to do, that I have no time to do what I want to do. There, is yet another question left unanswered. What "DO" I want to do? I want to be able to run in fields of wild grass, cast a spell at the tip top of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I want to live and feel like I am alive. Most of the time I am just numb. I feel like I am pretending to be alive. Surviving off other people's energy. I know now why I chose the type of friends that I chose: strong independent men and women. They have mastered the ability to stand up to the world. They say and do exactly what they want. I surround myself with these dominant people so I can draw that energy from them. I use it to make me strong. It makes me feel like I can stand up to the world and say,"Fuck You I'm Alive!!" Then again when they're not here, what's left? Just me. Where is my energy? What do I exude? I can't answer that question. Why? you ask. I'm to busy sucking the life-force from others. Yep, I'm an Energy Vampire. It turns out, I'm just a compilation of the energies I choose to absorb and manipulate. My little sister tells people, that I am the most powerful person she knows. I have been told on more than one occasion, That I have a larger than life presence. When they say these things, I feel the honesty in their emotion. I see the truth in their eyes, so I know the real me is present. I'm here, deep inside, somewhere. I feel the real me sometimes. I can get completely lost in the smile of a baby. That's me. Yes, That's me that notices the innocence in that child's eyes. The innocence that I lost so many years ago. That's me wanting to feel that complete wholeness I felt as a child. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment I lost it. That way I could examine it and find my way back. I want to know that everything is going to be OK, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. My heart aches for one-second of that serenity. I want so much to discover myself again. I want to stare into my reflection, look deep into my big brown eyes, and see me. I wanna see that spark of hope and the eternal flame of magick. I know it's still there. It's still burning under all that pain and sorrow. What's really bad is I know why it has become just a spark. I stopped fueling it. I stopped giving it the things it needed to remain kindled and hot. I lost the Magick in my life. I lost the beauty that I use to see in everything. I've stopped enjoying the small stuff. I have totally forgotten that it only takes a moment to whisper a chant for a stranger, or pick up a baby frog and pet it, or just sit in silence and listen. At some point I stopped falling in Love. I wanna Love again!!!

In Silence

In silence there are no lies. When left alone the truth has no where to hide. Happiness cannot be perpetrated when there is no one to see it. Loneliness is deep and rich when it is left unchecked by prying eyes. When the mind is open and the only sound is breath. You have no choice but to hear. Feelings are real. It is easy to keep them in check when there is a task to be done. When there is the everyday to keep you occupied, nothing can break free. The momentum of the mundane keeps the lid closed and the lock has no key. For me the key is silence. Silence and solitude open the lock and move the lid. Then the real feelings are out. I’m lonely. I feel like I will be alone forever. It’s stupid; The concept of being alone. I am surrounded daily by people who care about me. I still feel alone. There has always been a hole in my core. Something is missing inside my soul. Sometimes it is a gargantuan throbbing pit of despair. Other times it is almost completely gone, but it is always there. Why do I feel so incomplete? Have I really learned to master the art of looking happy? I act happy all the time. I think I have even begun to feel happy on occasion. Then there is that hole. I was taught to fake it until it’s real. I just want real. At some point I would like to have one perfect day. I need to wake up and feel like my life matters. Spend the day making a difference, and go to sleep in the arms of someone who truly loves me. Life is never simple. I have been clinging to my childhood enthusiasm. I see the good in people. I measure my experiences and hold on to the things that matter. I strive to do the right thing. I sacrifice myself for the people I love. I am an active and productive member of society. I smile all the time. I do things to make people feel special and loved. I give and give even when it leaves me without. So, there are days when I want to ask God, or the universe, or just Karma itself. When is it my turn to be truly happy?

I'm Just A Boy

Finally!
 
I've been waiting for this moment. For you to see the real me. It's been an illusion. I never meant to fool anyone.I got caught up in a fantasy.

I'm just a boy, with dreams that got the best of me. In a world, that believes fame is everything. I got outta touch with the ones who gave me my wings and taught me to fly.

People say, that the world is like a stage. I guess I confused, the roles I play. I've been away from home for so long that I, I almost forgot where I belong. It's so easy to forget what really matters in this life. It's so hard to live with regrets, but I promise I will try to be a better me from now on.

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do you wrong. I'm just a boy, with dreams that got the best of me. In a world, that believes fame is everything. I got outta touch with the ones who gave me my wings and taught me to fly.

You gave me my wings so I can fly.
I can fly! Without you,
I'm just a boy 

  

 

Thanks Miley"I'm Just A Girl" Miley Cyrus