My Last Phone Interview. I Have No Idea How It Went. You Be The Judge.

Mr Goebel: Hello Mr Pafam.
Me: Hello to you as well sir. Are u enjoying the weather in Hilton Head this afternoon?
Him: Let's get started (Note the lack of response). I have a few standard questions then we can get to the pleasantries. Let's begin by you telling me about your back ground.
Me: I'm a 33 year old SC native that grew up in his Mom's restaurant and his Grandma's Kitchen. I have a very diverse gargantuan family (I love that word. You so rarely get to use it in a sentence) that loves to cook. The only thing we love more is to eat.
Him: Okay lets skip ahead to the present please.
Me: (Yes, I was totally rolling my eyes at the phone by this point) I enjoy being an amateur food critic and I am a perfectionist with an amazing eye for detail.
Him:What are some of your strengths?
Me:I would have to top that list with unwavering loyalty, boundless integrity, and base line objectivity.
Him: Now, your greatest weakness?
Me:It would have to be the same. I am so loyal that I have in the past allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I have been diligently working on how to be a bit more tactfully aggressive in those situations.
Him: What qualities should a successful manager posses?
Me: (I answered this immediately) LEADERSHIP, DRIVE, & VISION
Him: Are you a team player?
Me: Yes, I have proven repeatedly that that I am completely comfortable in a dominate or submissive team roll. Our successful completion is my only objective. (I almost wet myself when I said that).
Him: Why out of all my applicants should I hire you?
Me: Because I am the best person for the job. I am well aware there are others who may have the ability, but I am a true Southern Gentlemen who is the epitome of Southern Hospitality. You combine that with my loyal perfectionism and I can guarantee I will build you a client base that will generate astronomical financial dividends.
Him: What are your long-range objectives?
Me: With in 5 years I would like to be running the most successful restaurant business in Columbia. In doing so, making you and I financially secure enough to weather another "Bush" in office. Just in cause Jed gets any bright ideas. HAHA (I got a small giggle out of him. Who knew it would take a Republican joke?) All joking aside, I would very much like to be the GM of my own property while getting myself poised for an even better position within the company if one should arise.
Him: Have you ever been in a conflict with a Boss?
Me: NEVER! I am 100% passive when it comes to my superiors. (I really said that, and then just sat there. ROFLMAO)
Him: If I asked one of your Banquet Captains to describe you, what would they say?
Me: Russell is a fun energetic supervisor who listens and genuinely cares, and not just about the staff and the guests. He also cares about making every day a little better then the last.
Him: Now, do you have any questions for me?
Me: I'm glad u asked. i have a few.
1.) Why did you personally decide to work for this company?
2.) How is your company responding to it's competition in the hospitality industry during this economic downturn?
3.) Just one more, What is the anticipated company growth rate over the next three years?
Him: I was tired of the grind in the restaurant environment and i will have to get back to you on the other two questions. I am not entirely sure how to respond. I will call you at the beginning of the week to set up a face to face. Thank You for Your time Good Afternoon. Click
NO EMOTION AT ALLLLL!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO READ THAT?

HERE IS THE BIG GAY AGENDA REVEALED! THE HORRIFYING SECRET PLOT TO HOMO-AMPLIFY AMERICA.

HERE IS THE BIG GAY AGENDA REVEALED!

THE HORRIFYING SECRET PLOT TO HOMO-AMPLIFY AMERICA.

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Friday, January 27, 2006

I have spoken with my gay friends. I have been to yoga classes and men's health spas and Restoration Hardware, chic rug shops and the Castro Starbucks and really cute restaurants featuring mixed baby greens that cost $12. I have observed. I have taken notes. I have checked the fashions and the cars and the skin-tight T-shirts, the newsletters and the bumper stickers and the secret codes hidden within the rainbow flag.

It is time to come clean. It is time to admit the truth. After all, the religious right has been hammering it for years, the pseudo-Christians and the homophobes and the sexually terrified all fully and truly believe that there is a plot, a massive, deep-seated agenda among the gay community not only to decriminalize and demystify homosexuality but to actually coerce and cajole and actively lure the innocent white babies of America into the sordid and well-dressed "gay lifestyle," so much so that, much like aliens living in underground cities in Area 51, well, there must be something to it.

Just look. Look at the wanton slew of nasty e-mails I received -- intermixed like bloody shrapnel amid a huge stack of gorgeous e-mail enthusiasm, mind -- in response to my recent column extolling the virtues of the heartbreaking, perspective-altering "Brokeback Mountain" phenom, wherein I dared to suggest that this spare and potent little film might actually help deflect the savage karmic pain of people like Samuel Alito and move the human experiment forward, just a little. What nerve I had.

Mark, gay films move us back. To tell society, which includes children, that to stick a penis inside someone's anus, a wholly unnatural act is ok and normal is absurd. I don't hold anything against gays, I'm not one to judge people, they can do what they please, but to shove there perversions down everyone's throat, and to try to make it mainstream and teach children homosexuality is a normal thing for people to do is sick. -- Steve W

Or this:

It Is really hard to believe that people like yourself are gloating over this film and are so proud of the degradation of our country (USA) that you have joined the masses and are HELL BENT on the destruction of Christianity, family values, and everything that is decent and what our forefathers have fought and died for in this country. Your kind are the real BIGOTS! You are the enemy of everything that is decent and good, you love death and destruction (that is what the homosexual lifestyle will lead to)… -- Larry L

Isn't that sweet? Doesn't it make you feel good to me an American? Sure it does.

But you know what? Adorably rabid, misguided homophobes like Steve and Larry, they might have a point after all. Because after all my observations and when I really allow myself to be honest, I become convinced of the existence of a truly shocking gay lifestyle, an actual gay agenda far more sinister than even desperately misguided and morally lost people like Steve and Larry can comprehend. Do you know what it is? Do you want to know the real gay agenda, what 96.8 percent of all gay couples wish for every single day including Sunday? Here it is:

From what I can glean and above all else, the gay people of America seem to want this simply inexcusable level of boundless, unchecked normalcy. It's true. For some reason, they believe the utterly disgusting idea that they should be able to live their lives in peace and trust and health, with full support and assistance from their schools and hospitals and governments, just like everyone else. I know. Shudder.

It is, in fact, remarkably similar to what hetros want. And women. And black people. And immigrants, and dwarves. That is, to be able to fall in love and maybe even get married (or atleast have the option) and have decreasing amounts of sex and raise a family and hold down a good job and pay their taxes and argue with their lovers over who the hell spent 200 bucks on long distance to their mother, all while not having to worry about getting the living crap beaten out of them with tire chains by Arkansas and Alabama and most of Texas, or secretly loathed by small-minded pseudo-Christians who wouldn't know Jesus' true message if it bit them on the other cheek.

Ah, the deviousness of it all, the sheer nerve to desire the same sort of lives as everyone else. But do you want to know the kicker? The true aspect of the "gay agenda' that makes the religious rights' skin crawl? Here it is: When all that normalcy is in place, when these repulsive gay beings who like to walk around in public and eat at restaurants and drink their lattes and laugh out loud and stick things in each others bodies for sexual pleasure, well, they want the most appalling thing of all: They just want to be left alone.

I know. It's hideous. How dare they! How dare most gays ask not to be harassed and not really care to flaunt their sexuality or convince anyone that homosexuality is cool or righteous or the only way to be, beyond reassuring children that it's OK to be whatever religion or sexual orientation your mind, body, heart, and soul guide you to be. Can you imagine? What horror. Ignorant, intolerable schoolteachers should protest that nasty idea right now. Oh wait.

This is, in fact, the most sinister gay agenda of all. Normalcy. Lack of fear. Happiness. The right o be miserable in love just like everyone else and have it recognized by the culture as, well, no big deal. Safe. Healthy. Beautiful, even. What nerve.

To Steve and Larry's great dismay, gay people do not seem to care in the slightest for converting anyone to homosexuality, which of course would be the equivalent of converting a frying pan into a doorknob. It simply cannot be done. It's bitterly sad that this must be repeated so frequently in terms so simple that even Steve and Larry can comprehend, but gayness is no more a lifestyle choice than is blonde hair or blood type or that knowledge, deep down in your skin, that Bush is raping the soul of the nation. It just is.

Much can be learned from this shocking revelation. Much can we glean from the gay agenda's "true" motivations -- Most notable in how it contrasts with the famed and beloved Christian neoconservative heterosexual agenda, the one that instructs that you please keep your mouth shut and blindly believe in the same bitter God as everyone else, and by the way please bury your true sexuality and get married at 23 and pop out six kids and become quickly and quietly miserable and gain 30 pounds and stop having sex entirely and get divorced at 50 and wake up just in time to watch yourself die. Oh my yes, That has proven to be just so much better, hasn't it? Steve? Larry?

Words To Live By!

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave imprints in your heart. When trying to manage your own life, use your head, when helping to manage someone else's life, use your heart. Anger is only one letter away from danger. If someone betrays you once it's their fault. If they have the opportunity to do it twice it then becomes your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. He who loses money loses much. He who loses a friend loses much more. He who loses faith loses everything. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature. Beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others; you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. Friends you and me....you brought another friend....and then there were three....we started our group....our circle of friends....and like a circle there is no beginning and there is no end....yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. (unknown author)