In silence there are no lies. When left alone the truth has no where to hide. Happiness cannot be perpetrated when there is no one to see it. Loneliness is deep and rich when it is left unchecked by prying eyes. When the mind is open and the only sound is breath. You have no choice but to hear. Feelings are real. It is easy to keep them in check when there is a task to be done. When there is the everyday to keep you occupied, nothing can break free. The momentum of the mundane keeps the lid closed and the lock has no key. For me the key is silence. Silence and solitude open the lock and move the lid. Then the real feelings are out. I’m lonely. I feel like I will be alone forever. It’s stupid; The concept of being alone. I am surrounded daily by people who care about me. I still feel alone. There has always been a hole in my core. Something is missing inside my soul. Sometimes it is a gargantuan throbbing pit of despair. Other times it is almost completely gone, but it is always there. Why do I feel so incomplete? Have I really learned to master the art of looking happy? I act happy all the time. I think I have even begun to feel happy on occasion. Then there is that hole. I was taught to fake it until it’s real. I just want real. At some point I would like to have one perfect day. I need to wake up and feel like my life matters. Spend the day making a difference, and go to sleep in the arms of someone who truly loves me. Life is never simple. I have been clinging to my childhood enthusiasm. I see the good in people. I measure my experiences and hold on to the things that matter. I strive to do the right thing. I sacrifice myself for the people I love. I am an active and productive member of society. I smile all the time. I do things to make people feel special and loved. I give and give even when it leaves me without. So, there are days when I want to ask God, or the universe, or just Karma itself. When is it my turn to be truly happy?
